So…i am considering going to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting.
I read the criteria that is supposed to help you determine if “OA is for you”.
On OA’s website (www.oa.org), they list the following questions:
- Do you eat when you’re not hungry?
- Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?
- Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?
- Do you give too much time and thought to food?
- Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?
- Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?
- Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?
- Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?
- Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?
- Do you resent others telling you to “use a little willpower” to stop overeating?
- Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet “on your own” whenever you wish?
- Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?
- Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?
- Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?
- Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?
I can answer yes to all of them…
A week ago, I felt like I was doing awesome…I felt in control. Control to me means eating healthy. Control means feeling strong. Control means happiness with myself. Control means happiness in my marriage because I am nicer to my husband. Having that control is literally EVERYTHING…and now it is gone.
I had been doing really well…and then we had guests over the weekend before last. My friend, L, brought cupcakes. Sprinkles cupcakes. They are my downfall. I literally only allow myself to have them once a year on my birthday. And seeing how we were about 7 months too early for birthday cupcakes, I should have just said no. But…I felt guilty. There were only five of us hanging out and there were 12, count ’em – 12!, Sprinkles cupcakes. I mean, it would be downright RUDE to not eat one, right??
If you don’t know Sprinkles…here is a “taste”:
…and then I lost it. I lost control. It’s gone. For as strong as I feel when i am doing well, I feel equally lost when I am not. Those Sprinkles cupcakes walked into my life and my control walked out. I decided since I was having one cupcake, I might as well eat the Fritos that my other friend had brought with his chili dip. Plus, I might as well have the big yummy roll to put my pulled pork and coleslaw on instead of having it plain. And since I was already cheating, what would it hurt to have the apple crisp that I had made but had planned on not eating (with the double topping). What more would it hurt, then, to have another few bites of a chocolate cupcake and then to eat an entire other red velvet cupcake (my favorite)…of course I would wait until after everyone had gone home.
From that day on, I have been back and forth…one good day, one bad day; three good days, one bad day…no consistency.
So do I join? I know it is for me, but I am definitely scared. My social anxiety kicks in and says that I can’t handle a room full of people that I don’t know. My pride also kicks in and says, if I kicked my drinking problem without AA, then can’t I kick my eating issues without OA? Do I really need all of this help?
I need something. That much I know.