Can you picture it?
I told my husband today that I want to wrap our daughter in bubble wrap so that nothing bad can happen to her.
Weight loss, fears, parenthood…it is always something, isn’t it? Whenever you feel like you conquer one thing, something else crops up to remind you that in fact, you are not the one in charge. There is so much out of my control that the worry takes over sometimes.
I don’t talk about my fears a lot. They are not always on the surface. A lot of times, they come up when it is dark, at night, in bed or when I am faced head-on with one.
Today, I faced one head-on. And I didn’t like it one bit.
I was playing with my daughter and thought that I had accidently hurt her, badly.
I didn’t. She was fine. But in my head, it brought the reality of that happening to a forefront and I was able to envision how I would feel if I had.
And I panicked. I could tell within 10 seconds that she was 100% fine. I still panicked. If something had actually been wrong, I would have been totally useless.
I don’t want to live my life in fear. I am a relatively positive person who tries to focus on all of the amazing and incredible blessings in my life.
I have the most incredible, handsome, caring, talented, loving husband any woman could wish to have.
I have the gorgeous, smart, perfectly healthy little baby girl that I’ve always wanted.
I have family who have always been there for me and who would drop everything if I needed them.
I have health, I have happiness, I have security.
I am blessed! And I know it.
And sometimes that is the problem. I wait for the other shoe to drop.
I was never this much of a worrywart when I was miserable and fat and alone.
But now I have something to lose.