I’m still working on Love Goggles Part 2, but in the meantime, this is what has been going on lately:
1) My baby girl is walking!
(I attempted to upload video but don’t have the right file type…darn. It’s really cute!)
Screen shots will have to do:
She is only 10 months old and weighs just over 16 pounds (can you say zero percentile?) so she looks really funny doing it. We always joke that people are going to think we have a super advanced baby because they assume she is way younger than she is…haha. She is taking on average between 4-6 independent steps at a time and sometimes between 10-15 before she goes down! It has been so exciting! All of a sudden she seems like a little girl and not a baby anymore!
2) I had a great run yesterday…I only went 4 miles but it just feels good. I legitimately enjoy running now…it is official. I actually look forward to it and find it relaxing!
3) The “i” button my my computer keyboard is semi-broken…and it makes it relatively annoying to type. So everytime you see a word that contains an “i”, know that it took me at least 3 times hitting the button before it would work. 🙂
4) My swimming lesson with my friend the other night was awesome! She is a really great teacher and I felt much more confident when she was done with me. The best lesson she taught me? No stopping and putting my feet down until I finish a length…if I have to float or doggy paddle, fine, but I can’t stop. Prior to her telling me this, I was stopping constantly to point out what I was doing wrong each time and it was sort of getting in the way of me making any progress. This new development, simple as it may be, has definitely given me more confidence now that I am actually finishing a full pool length.
5) Low point of yesterday – trying on training swimsuits. Wow. Just when I was starting to feel confident and strong again, I was hit really hard with a huge slice of humble pie…right in the face. They just don’t look good. Period. Tacky colors, tacky patterns, tightness beyond belief, straps pinching extra skin and fat, no hiding of legs whatsoever…you name it and it SUCKED. I hated the way mine looked on me
(prepare yourself…it is by far the most real, unflattering picture I’ve ever posted of myself)
The real me:
These suit doesn’t work for my body type since I had no way to hide my major problem area – my legs. (Sidenote – notice my poor hubs’ face in the pic as he is in the middle of dealing with my ” I hate my body” moment. haha…he’s a saint.)
It was an extremely hard dose of reality to take being confronted with the truth – that regardless of how many workouts I do, how much weight I lose, I will naturally always have big legs. I am very skilled at hiding my flaws to appear thinner than I am. Many women who weigh 149 at 5’6″ do not look like I look underneath my carefully selected clothes…but I just have to accept that it is part of my DNA as well as collateral damage of once being 235 lbs. I am at the high end of the healthy weight range so I know I will lose more, but the chances of there being significant improvement with my legs is slim. So I sucked it up and bought the swimsuit because my goal of learning how to swim is going to outweigh my self consciousness. I refuse to let it stop me anymore.
6) High point of today (so far): swimming 11 laps in the pool! At 5:15 am no less! That is by far the most laps I have ever done in my life and I definitely feel very proud. Just one week ago, I couldn’t go more than 20 feet at a time without freaking out. It took me between 20-25 minutes to do it this morning, but I did it. I even successfully attempted (twice!) to do a lap down and back without stopping.
7) My big girl has finally gotten her second set of teeth!
Sorry for the messy face pic, but it is hard to pin down a 10 month old for a shot like this! haha. She got the two little ones on the bottom at 6 months so we have been waiting 4 long months for the next ones to cut through…and they have finally arrived! And they are HUGE!!
It’s been a mini-rollercoaster of emotions these last couple of days and I am again reminded that this will always be a process, ongoing and at times somewhat difficult. I am definitely stronger than I used to be, though…
and my focus right now is to reflect at the end of each day.
If I can say that
I worked as hard as I could
on the goals that I set out for myself
for just that one day
then I’ll be happy.
One day at a time.