I’ve been MIA for quite a long time…my last post was over a month ago in fact.
Things have been good overall.
We are very happy in our new home…everyone is healthy, happy and well.
We are spending a ton of time with our families…thrilled to have them so close by and finally able to do so.
I got a new job…yes, another new job.
And this one is not a temporary maternity leave teaching position…
it is a probationary tenure-track position!
And while this new position is a blessing…it means I have now started two new classrooms up in a matter of 4 weeks.
As any teacher knows, the beginning of the year is when you face all of the stress.
And just as I was starting to get settled in my first job, I was offered the second job.
and had to start over again.
I’ve been at my new job one week and one day. So not quite settled yet, but waaay more so than last week.
Last week I was getting up at 5:15 every morning and going to bed between 12 and 1 every night.
I was wiped.
I am not sure how I put in that much effort without crashing, but I did.
My motto for the week was that there were just not enough hours in the day.
My thing is, I don’t mind working super hard for a job. In fact, I like working hard at a job I enjoy and want to do well at.
I only get stressed when I want to do more and don’t have the time to get it done, particularly when I am making full use of every hour that I have and not wasting a second.
So you can probably guess where this rant is going.
Health-wise, I am doing horribly.
I am eating badly.
I am exercising about once a week.
I am training for a half marathon in another week and a half but this past weekend, I even skipped my long training run.
Not the end of the world, you might say. Sure, except when it has been the only run I’ve been doing each week, it is kind of a big deal when I miss it.
I was doing well leading up to now, at least continuing to train, despite being noticeably weaker and slower and putting very little effort in.
My hubs and I had gradually built up to where we were running 11 miles last week. I was 100% planning on running the half on October 16th. We were going to do another 11-12 this week and then taper next weekend to about 9 miles.
But then I had my 5th meltdown in the last month on this past Sunday and cried and whined my way out of my long run.
I’m a mess.
I feel like crap.
I need help.
I feel like an addict because of the fact that I want SOOOOO badly to stop this terrible cycle of eating badly and not exercising and yet I keep making the decisions that send me in a downward spiral…day after day.
I can’t seem to get a grip on healthy living and now that my goal is to be a good role model for my daughter (and that is what is supposed to be motivating me), I am filled with deep shame that I am putting my selfishness ahead of her.
Then the shame over this makes me feel like crap…so I eat something unhealthy and comforting to feel better.
And…well, you get the idea.
I really do need help.
I hate the way I feel.
And as I try to figure out what I was doing 8 or 9 months ago when I was in a really great groove, I think back to the fact that I was blogging pretty regularly and constantly reading other people’s healthy living blogs and feeling incredibly motivated by them.
So I am reaching out…to the healthy living blogging community. And asking for help.