I rarely post anymore.
It was time consuming and I flat out couldn’t keep up.
I don’t even really read the healthy living blogs like I used to.
But I also can’t deny that not being a part of that blogging community of support has taken its toll.
Proof positive: I ate potato chips today.
Might not sound like a big deal, but for someone who hasn’t eaten real potato chips in YEARS, it just gives some insight into where I’m at.
NOT in a good place.
Let’s back up…I am in a great place in many respects.
I had a healthy baby boy exactly three months ago:
My husband and daughter are as wonderful as ever:
I'm enjoying my maternity leave and all the extra time I get to spend with my family.
But I am stuck in a rut.
I have confirmed for myself countless times now that this is a never-ending cross I have to bear.
I will never have total control over my issues with food.
It will never be easy…or something that comes without tons of work.
I will always have periods of time where I struggle.
The rut I am in is not an abnormal rut. I mean, I am 3 months postpartum. I am 25 pounds overweight. I am barely finding time in the day to shower. And food is my comfort.
I know I don't want to binge on candy and chips everytime I stop over to my parents' house. I guess you could say I let myself go back and forth between my completely depressing sense of reality and an unhealthy state of denial.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I love my birthday. I really do. I'm not depressed about getting old or anything. I still feel like a kid most of the time and have to constantly remind myself that I'm not!
That's a good thing.
But I don't want to be 25 pounds overweight anymore…even if it was for a very good reason.
So I’m going to try to read the blogs again to get a better frame of mind again…and a virtual community of support.
And I’m going to attempt to document my journey again…
even if only to hold myself accountable.
Tomorrow is a new day.