A Homemade Halloween…keeping the tradition alive!

The last few weeks have been full of stress and change…and I am just beginning to get settled.

The (2nd) new job is going really well and

I wasn’t sure I would like it, but turns out, I really do!

I’ve turned a corner with the eating healthy and working out…and am feeling really good.

I have to say, I think it had something to do with blogging about it…

since I started doing better right after my last post.

Maybe it is that acknowledgement that I am getting scarily close to rock bottom?

Okay, well maybe I wasn’t that bad,

but I do get flashes of myself at this weight:

and typically that really puts a scare into me…

since I know I don’t want to go back there again.

But anyway, all is good now.

Quick recap of the steps I took that I believe led to me getting back on track:
1) Finding a support system – I’ve recruited some girls here in my new home to work out with me. Yes, having my husband to work out with is great…but the accountability of having to show up to work out with a friend usually gets me even more since I can’t whine and complain to them like I can with my hubs! (sorry Joe!!)

2) working out in the morning when I can – this ALWAYS changes my mindset. There is something about getting it done ASAP that just puts an entirely different spin on the entire day.

3) Putting strategies in place to beat my binge triggers – My parents’ house was a tough one, but I just told myself prior to going over there that I was going to get a water as soon as I walked in instead of immediately searching their cupboards for a snack. Sometimes a small victory like that changes the way my mind responds to the trigger…and I feel empowered and don’t WANT to binge. This one still gets me and will continue to be a challenge, but I am working on it.

***************************

On to….

HALLOWEEN!

I love making Halloween costumes!

It was a tradition my dad started when we were kids…and one that I have always said I wanted to carry on with our family.

Last year, I made my 3 month old a flower in a pot…made entirely from scratch (and cheaply I might add!):

Excuse the drool! Lol

Then this year, I decided to make her a little pig…since we already have so much pink!

I am in the process of working on the costume and this is what I have so far:

I used clothes we already had, bought some fuzzy pink yarn, pipe cleaners, felt, and used some velcro that I bought for my classroom.

(That way I don’t ruin her clothes with glue…I can just remove the velcro after Halloween!)

I never like to do just the costume, though…and like to have more to go with it…so I also made her a barn to go on her wagon:

Yes, there is a bale of hay in her wagon to go with it. She’ll ride in there and then come out for trick or treating

(at our friends’ and families’ houses!)

I just started with cardboard boxes and used the magic of scissors, hot glue, spray paint and duct tape.

Here are some in-the-works pics:

I need to add some embellishments…like straw and hay around the outside.

Maybe a stuffed farm animal or two to ride in the wagon with her.

But needless to say, I can’t wait for Halloween now!

Intervention Needed

I’ve been MIA for quite a long time…my last post was over a month ago in fact.

Things have been good overall.

We are very happy in our new home…everyone is healthy, happy and well.

We are spending a ton of time with our families…thrilled to have them so close by and finally able to do so.

I got a new job…yes, another new job.

And this one is not a temporary maternity leave teaching position…

it is a probationary tenure-track position!

And while this new position is a blessing…it means I have now started two new classrooms up in a matter of 4 weeks.

As any teacher knows, the beginning of the year is when you face all of the stress.

And just as I was starting to get settled in my first job, I was offered the second job.

and had to start over again.

I’ve been at my new job one week and one day. So not quite settled yet, but waaay more so than last week.

Last week I was getting up at 5:15 every morning and going to bed between 12 and 1 every night.

I was wiped.

I am not sure how I put in that much effort without crashing, but I did.

My motto for the week was that there were just not enough hours in the day.

My thing is, I don’t mind working super hard for a job. In fact, I like working hard at a job I enjoy and want to do well at.

I only get stressed when I want to do more and don’t have the time to get it done, particularly when I am making full use of every hour that I have and not wasting a second.

So you can probably guess where this rant is going.

Health-wise, I am doing horribly.

I am eating badly.

I am exercising about once a week.

I am training for a half marathon in another week and a half but this past weekend, I even skipped my long training run.

Not the end of the world, you might say. Sure, except when it has been the only run I’ve been doing each week, it is kind of a big deal when I miss it.

I was doing well leading up to now, at least continuing to train, despite being noticeably weaker and slower and putting very little effort in.

My hubs and I had gradually built up to where we were running 11 miles last week. I was 100% planning on running the half on October 16th. We were going to do another 11-12 this week and then taper next weekend to about 9 miles.

But then I had my 5th meltdown in the last month on this past Sunday and cried and whined my way out of my long run.

I’m a mess.

I feel like crap.

I need help.

I feel like an addict because of the fact that I want SOOOOO badly to stop this terrible cycle of eating badly and not exercising and yet I keep making the decisions that send me in a downward spiral…day after day.

I can’t seem to get a grip on healthy living and now that my goal is to be a good role model for my daughter (and that is what is supposed to be motivating me), I am filled with deep shame that I am putting my selfishness ahead of her.

Then the shame over this makes me feel like crap…so I eat something unhealthy and comforting to feel better.

And…well, you get the idea.

I really do need help.

I hate the way I feel.

And as I try to figure out what I was doing 8 or 9 months ago when I was in a really great groove, I think back to the fact that I was blogging pretty regularly and constantly reading other people’s healthy living blogs and feeling incredibly motivated by them.

So I am reaching out…to the healthy living blogging community. And asking for help.

So Far Behind!

Oh my gosh, I feel like I have so much to update you on!

First, my triathlon has come and gone…can you believe it??

Cause I can’t!

I feel like I was just debating whether or not to learn how to swim…

and now I am a week past completion of my very first triathlon!

I have to say that it feels very surreal since it was a goal I hadn’t ever considered even TRYING to reach…

and now I’ve actually done it!

I have to work on getting the swim and bike pictures from my friend…right now all I have are the pics from beforehand and from the run.

It was one of my proudest moments.

I can’t quite explain why…but I felt more proud after doing a sprint triathlon

(which only took me an hour and 24 minutes approximately)

than I felt after running a half marathon

(which was a task that took me 2 hours and 17 minutes!)

In addition to doing the tri last weekend,

I also moved 3,000 miles away.

Yup.

That’s all done, too!

 

Remember my fear of flying issues?

(I will be doing an update and review of the SOAR fear of flying program very soon, but let’s just say I no longer cry before I fly AND I’ve now flown twice with my daughter alone!)

Part of the program involves meeting the pilots before you fly…helps me out tremendously, but my daughter wasn’t too happy about it! haha (jk…she had just been up since 3am and had no naps in about 7 hours at this point!!!).

Anyway, after the triathlon on Saturday, my daughter and I made the 9 hour trip on Sunday from California to NY to begin our new lives.

On top of that, my hubs has had to stay in California for another 12 days longer than us, so I’ve now been without him for just over a week…which of course, stinks!

He is such an incredible pillar of support for me that sometimes it is really hard without him here to lean on.

Our new life has been busy, but awesome.

On Monday, I started a new job:

 

(Sneak peak of the classroom I’ll be taking over up above!)

School itself doesn’t start until after labor day, but I’ve spent the last week in new teacher training for the district.

It was GREAT!

I actually loved going back to work.

I missed my daughter of course, but knowing she was being watched by my mom and my sister made it soo much easier!

I can’t wait to start actually teaching in a couple of weeks.

I love kindergarten!

We will be moving into my grandfather’s house for the time being (he has been living with my parents for 2 1/2 years since my Nanny died)…

but, the house is FULL of their lives.

Chock full.

No one has been ready to take on the task of going through everything and sorting it until now.

And since I am motivated to get it cleaned out so that we can move in, my mom and I are  doing all of the work.

We’ve made a lot of progress…having a preliminary garage sale this past weekend and an advertised one this coming weekend…

Giving all of the decent furniture to other family members/relatives…

sorting through old family photos and other sentimental notes/cards, etc…

and throwing away an immeasurable amount of junk.

So my days and my nights have been jam packed!

I miss my hubs and I have moments of being overwhelmed

but overall I am loving our new life here.

I think I’ve said it somewhere before…

but change is good.

 

Counting down the Days

I have been noticeably absent from commenting on other blogs lately…

I am still reading…because I am genuinely interested in your lives now

but with so little time left before the cross country move

the commenting has suffered…so I apologize for that.

Joe and I went out on our last Cali date night on Monday

(not to mention it is actually our first Cali date night since Caleigh was born 13 months ago!)

We went to Pelican Hill…

a super luxurious resort/golf course in Newport Beach

and ate at Andreas…a super fancy Italian restaurant.

On our way out the door…excited to dress up for once!

The best shot I could get..without embarrassing myself at such a fancy place!

That is the ocean down there…haha. I should have just stood up to take the photo but it was such a nice restaurant, I didn’t want to stand out acting like a newbie who never eats at fancy places (which I totally was haha).

I definitely had one of the best meals from start to finish that I have ever had!

They brought us a little something out at the beginning..it looked like an amuse bouche…but they didn’t call it that.

I don’t even know for sure what it was…haha! But it was tasty for sure.

We got 2 appetizers…

SAN DANIELE PROSCIUTTO RISERVA, TUSCAN MELON, VINCOTTO

and

AHI TUNA TARTAR, TUSCAN PANZANELLA SALAD

I had never had tuna tartar before, but I really wanted to try it…and LOVED IT!

Joe preferred the prosciutto and melon, but I was all about the tuna!

Then (this is my favorite part!!) Chef Dubray come out to meet Joe and I!

My friend Jill used to work at Pelican and she was his assistant for 2 years…and so she called him up and said we were coming.

He came out 3 times during the meal to chat with us…

and surprised us by treating us to a porcini mushroom truffle oil risotto course that was prepared in a parmesan wheel!

 

risotto is prepared and then brought table side…they put it in the giant parmesan wheel and scrape around the edges to add the fresh cheese to the dish

 

Most delicious thing I have ever tasted!

Then we had our entrees…

I had:

SPINACH AND BUFFALO RICOTTA RAVIOLI, BUTTER SAGE SAUCE

and Joe had:

VEAL OSSOBUCO, GREMOLATA SAUCE, POLENTA

both recommended by Chef Dubray. I mean, you can’t go against what the chef recommends right??

Then for dessert we had a chocolate ganache bar with hazlenut crunch ice cream and something else fancy sounding…

and again AMAZING!

We had decaf french press coffee…which is super strong but has the most incredible flavor. They even have their own Pelican Hill coffee beans.

Joe…as we were finishing up dessert

 

They even bring out a special silver dessert tree when you are paying your bill…complimentary to all guests…that has all sorts of petite fours and little one bite desserts.

From start to finish, we had the most amazing, special night…

and we were super appreciate to our BFF Jill for hooking us up!

We are going to really miss California!!!!

Saturday Brunch – recipe ideas?

I am hosting a brunch for two couples tomorrow…our 4 best friends from California that we are REALLY going to miss.

Whenever I plan a menu, my instinct is to find the most delicious tasting dishes possible to impress my guests.

Click here for the  most gluttonous brunch dish everrrr!

(Courtesy of Paula Deen – queen of buttery deliciousness)

However, I am trying to get rid of that mindset and focus more on choosing delicious dishes

that also happen to be healthy.

This is hard for me…since a lot of my friends don’t eat healthy and prefer the regular stuff.

So my goal is to find healthy recipes for the following that will fool my friends!

Here is how I would like the menu to look:

*1 egg-type dish (frittata? strata? just scrambled? made to order?)

*1 meat-type dish (egg and ham something or other? something with sausage?)

*2 sides (whole grain pancakes? homefries?)

*1 muffin/scone/coffee cake (banana bread? blueberry muffins?)

I’ve asked my one friend to bring a fruit salad so that is taken care of.

But I really am at a loss for yummy recipes that aren’t going to give everyone a heart attack (I still love ya Paula Deen!)

Anyone have any they want to share???

Moving Update!

Whoooa! So since I wrote yesterday’s post, my life has been a whirlwind!

A few weeks ago, I wrote this post about the harsh sting of rejection when I was turned down for an incredibly awesome job opportunity.

This was after making it through 2 rounds of interviews and TOTALLY getting my hopes up.

I was obviously crushed and totally ignored the fact that

when one of the principals from the interview called me to give me my rejection

he happened to also mention that I may be considered for a long term replacement position (usually a maternity leave job)

even though I wasn’t getting the permanent position.

For some reason, that part didn’t stick with me.

All I heard was

I’m sorry to tell you…but you didn’t make the final 4.

So flash forward to 2 days ago,

I get a phone call from one of the other principals at the interview

OFFERING ME A JOB!

It is a long term replacement position from the start of the school year through Christmas break for a woman leaving to have her baby…

and it is in KINDERGARTEN!

(Which if you can’t tell from my oh so subtle all caps, is my absolute favorite grade to teach!)

So basically I was estatic

and my life has completely done a 180 in the last 48 hours!

I went from

1) being a stay at home mom

to

working full time in an awesome position!

2) seeing my baby girl every single day, all day

to

leaving her with a babysitter (thank goodness we already were able to work that situation out and have an awesome girl who will watch her)

3) staying at home

to

driving an hour (one way!) to work each day

4) moving 3000 miles at the end of august

to

leaving to move cross country in 9 days!!

5) Spending the next month with my husband

to

being without him for 2 full weeks

Needless to say (but I’ll go ahead and say it anyway!)

it is exciting, overwhelming, and wonderful all at the same time!

I can’t believe how much my life just changed in just a couple of days

but like I said in my last post…

CHANGE IS GOOD!!!

Goals for a New Month

Every month I say I am going to set some clear goals

but typically I fail to actually complete that task.

Not complete the goals, but the setting of them.

So this month, I will start it off right by actually looking at what I want to accomplish.

Readers, I present to you….

My list of things I want to conquer during the month of August:

1) Count calories every day, with a focus on making healthy choices for my body.

This is a biggie for me…as I explained yesterday.

2) Eat more fruits and vegetables

I actually went on a Watermelon Tour with Caleigh and a bunch of moms at a local organic farm last week. Eating all of the fresh samples totally inspired me to get some really yummy, in season fruits and veggies to inspire my daily eats.

3) Continue training for my next half-marathon in October and complete our training schedule.

Oh ya, I forgot to mention that one…my husband and I are running a half marathon in Syracuse, NY this coming October!

It will be the first annual marathon/half marathon and so we thought it would be fun to run the first one and plan on running all of them over the years!

It is my 2nd half marathon and my hubby’s first…so we are both really excited for it!

4) Complete my first sprint triathlon

No explanation necessary – August 13th it is ON!

5) Do strength training at least 2x a week

For my first half marathon, my training consisted of some serious strength training exercises that I could do right in my home.

I was in awesome shape and I know that is why I felt so good running. I’ve slacked with that a bit so I definitely want to add it back in to more than once a week again.

6) Do yoga at least once a week.

This one I am terrible at. I keep saying it, but I’m not doing it. Ugh. Okay, this is the month.

7) Make a cross country move.

Yup, on August 26th, my husband and I will be moving our little girl from California back to our home state of New York.

It is a huuge move for us…since we moved to California together less than a year into our relationship

and have since celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary

and have our one year old daughter.

We’ve been here for over 4 years.

Needless to say, California has been “our” home…

where we have built a life together..

a family.

And even though it was our choice/request to make the move…

it will definitely be tough to leave.

Good thing that

change is so good for the soul.

Getting it Right…(and triathlon news!)

It’s funny that when I am off track, I rarely post about it.

I’m not sure why, since that was the reason I started this blog in the first place…to work through the tough times on this journey.

Of course the last few days, I have been back on track…

so here I am trying to analyze what was wrong.

 I’m trying to figure out what was different during those few weeks when I couldn’t seem to get it together

and now.

Some things I have noticed that I need to do

in order to feel in control:

1) count calories

sample of part of my day

It is plain and simple. If I do it, I eat what I want and without guilt. I still have a focus on healthy choices, but if I choose to measure out a 1/2 cup of low fat ice cream for dessert, I can. Without guilt.

I hope to someday progress to the point where I can reign myself in without counting calories, but I can recognize that I am not there yet.

So it is a long term goal.

But in the meantime,

counting calories is a must for me.

2) Some type of physical activity in the morning before I sit and eat my breakfast.

It sounds crazy, but if I eat breakfast before I complete my workout, 9 times out of 10, those are the days I typically get off track eating-wise

(disclaimer: this is not counting the days I need to really fuel up for a run or something…I definitely eat something beforehand on those mornings)

For me, this is definitely more symbolic than anything else.

It’s as if I say to myself, ahhh, I can sit and eat my breakfast instead of completing my workout this morning. No biggie.

But the problem is for me, it is a biggie.

It is a sign of giving up on working out for the day.

Not sure why that is…

and again

a long term goal will be to

be able to eat some breakfast prior to exercising and

NOT

have that be the kiss of workout-death.

But until that time, early morning workouts are the way its gotta be for now.

The good news is, even when my eating has been off, I have been exercising very regularly, if not every day.

So those are my conclusions for now…but I am sure I will continue to analyze both the good times and bad times in order to continue making progress in the right direction!

************

Unrelated sidenote:

Here is my “Sweat is Beautiful” tribute to Jen over at Prior Fat Girl:

This was after a VERY HARD 3.1 mile, morning run the other day.

I felt wiped afterwards…but in a good way.

In an I-just-gave-it-everything-I’ve-got kind of way.

And it showed.

I was drenched.

***************

Oh…and in other news:

I signed up for my first triathlon today!

The entry form has officially been sent in.

I am nervous as all hell.

It is in less than 2 weeks, but I am pretty sure I can do it.

PLUS

…I just bought a bike this weekend (oh you know, just semi-essential to triathlon training when you haven’t ridden a bike in years!!)

Actually, my husband came home and surprised me with a new bike after work on Friday!

We had been looking at bikes for me together, but the actual buying of the bike and bringing it home to me was totally unexpected! And he went with a nicer bike (a hybrid) than I had even thought we were going to get…so

SCORE!

I seriously felt like a little 8 year old on their birthday!

I’ve already gone on a 7 mile bike ride (still super nervous about riding in the road, so sticking mostly to bike paths for now) and rode to pick up dinner/grab a few things at the grocery store this weekend…I LOVE IT!!

Yet again, I have the greatest husband ever!

Caleigh’s Pink and Orange Lollipop Birthday!

This weekend we hosted my daughter’s first birthday party. It was so much fun to plan all of the decorations and get everything ready for the big day. I tried to make all of the decorations myself to save on money…buuuuut, let’s be honest. The cost gets pretty out of control super fast, even with 100% trying to be budget conscious!!

She is too young to be “into” anything, so we decided to go with colors rather than a theme…although I did work in the concept of lollipops a bit!

The colors for her party were pink and orange (as you will see) and it looked so fun and festive…and totally girly!

I’ll let the pictures do most of the talking today…

Caleigh’s First Birthday Party!

Dessert Table…Carrot Cake smash cake and cupcakes and chocolate layer cake with buttercream frosting!

Homemade lollipop sugar cookies as favors

The lollipop cookie favors…from meaghan over at The Decorated Cookie

 The Decorated Cookie Blog

Table for the kids - snacks, sippy cups, juice

close up of the kids table - how awesome are those pink and white striped cups?? $1 each at Party City! What a find!

wrapping paper as a table runner, chinese lanterns as centerpiece and BALLOONS (my favorite, and the easiest, decorations!)

First 12 months - A Photo Timeline

 

One year old! (I took pics and had it made into a poster for the party!)

yummy food for the par-tay!

Love her face in this one!

Me and my birthday girl!

enjoying her carrot cake!

opening presents!

I made a quiz with questions about the birthday girl…lift the flap to find the answer!

She had a blast the whole day!

It was an incredible day filled with great friends. I can’t believe my baby girl is over a year old now!

What a year it has been!

Still Here

Just an update that I am still here…I’ve just been having difficulty finding the time to put my words down on….the computer screen? I was gonna say paper but boy that sure didn’t fit!

I’ve had a million ups and downs in the last 3 months…

but my weight is one thing that has stayed pretty much the same…(give or take a few pounds).

I’m still running…

A LOT.

I’m not doing strength training as often as I’d like…maybe once a week.

But -

I’m conscious.

I’m aware.

I’m paying attention to my mistakes

but I’m also trying to turn them into positives.

I’ve had a lot of down days…

*days where I’ve made cookie dough just to eat half the batch when I had a broken oven and knew when I started collecting all of the ingredients that there was no way in hell I would be able to actually bake them in the first place

(and….breath…phew, that was a mouthful)

*days where I’ve sat on the couch and not pushed myself beyond my comfort zone because I felt weak

*days where I’ve cried about…well just about anything really

*days that I’ve spent bickering with my poor husband because my insecurities and self-consciousness has brought out the best worst in me

But those days…

the days spent in that dark place

will never be comfortable

will never be considered normal

will never be part of who I am

anymore.

They are just stopovers

just brief pauses in a very long life of good decisions.

So I won’t dwell.

I’ll just update and report that yesterday and today were good days.

Tomorrow will be a good day.

Unrelated Sidenote:

#1: My two friends (the ones that ran the 5k with us last month) my hubs and my baby girl (in the BOB) and I will be running a 10k on Saturday morning. This is quickly turning into one of my favorite distances to run so I’m excited to see how I feel during the race. It is a long enough distance where I feel like I have really had a good, hard run but it is not so far that I really need to train for it. I like that feeling!

#2: Caleigh’s first birthday party is on Sunday!! I have been busy getting ready for this for a while and I am very excited! We already held one party for her back in NY with our friends and family back home…but now this is for our Cali peeps. I’m using a lot of the same decorations that we used in NY but adding a little bit more to spruce it up this time around.

One quick sneak peak:

If you remember from my previous post the bday invites we sent were in the shape of lollipops and our color scheme is pink and orange.

In addition to her smash cake and cupcakes (carrot cake) and the bigger birthday cake (chocolate with buttercream), I am also making cookies…in the shape of lollipops!

After a quick internet search, I stumbled upon this website

The Decorated Cookie

and discovered her awesome lollipop shaped cookies on a stick!

I was blown away by how adorable they were…and knew they would be perfect favors for Caleigh’s party!

 I am going to be wrapping them in cellophane and gluing a bow on each one.
They are going to look so cute!

More pics to come after Sunday!!!